One Liners (Part One)

I stand for sitting. I fight for peace. I believe in doubt. And if I offend you, I truly, deeply, don't give a shit.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Eagles may soar, but snakes don't get sucked into jet engines.
Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Borrow money only from pessimists; they don't expect it back.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The key to creativity is disguising your sources.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
The Ark was built by a lone amateur, The Titanic was built by a large group of professionals.
If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else.
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours.
It ain't over till it's over.
The future ain't what it used to be.
You can observe a lot just by watching.
The best way to give advice is to find out what people want to hear, and let them hear it.
If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
Humans seem to be unique in the animal kingdom in their ability to learn from the mistakes of others, they are also unique in the fact that they seem to have no desire to do so.
Experience is a teacher that gives the test before the lesson.
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
Statistically one out of every one people dies.
The probability of the odds being accurate is very small.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

Those who do not remember history are doomed to repeat the course.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Save a tree... Eat a beaver